forget me

im a very forgetful person.

i forget birthdays.

i forget to eat.

i forget to do laundry.

i forget to turn into my driveway.

i forget people entirely.

i forget about bands i love.

i forget things on my shopping list.

i forget to call my mom.

im really good at remembering numbers though. phone numbers, social security, drivers license... stuff like that.

im also surprised that i have any room at all in my head with all of the lyrics in there.

yesterday, i REALLY wanted to blog about something. but, i forgot, and its gone now.

like O, like H

Sitting in the "teacher's lounge". Basically it used to be a storage room and a couple of the teachers moved a bunch of shit around and put in a table and a tv. A little tv. Like a 4 inch screen, black and white, with a dial to change channels.

Currently watching "the people's court". This judge is stupid.

This morning I was talking about how I seriously listen to the same songs every time I get in my car. Ill put it on a playlist, choose a song, and see if it goes to songs I like (which it usually doesn't). In no order, the songs I'm playing most currently are-

Tegan and Sara- I know I know I know
Zao- 5 year winter
American Nightmare- hearts, am/pm, dead and gone
Reign Supreme- I stand defiant, Iscariot
Panic at the disco- mad as rabbits

Trying to go to vegas this weekend. We shall see.

welcome to the tragic kingdom

went to disneyland yesterday, for the 4th time in 2009.

ill spare the entire story, but it involves Erakuh losing her iphone within an hour of us being there.

oh, and it was her birthday.

i love disneyland, but it seems like everytime we go, SOMETHING bad happens.

oh well. ill still go.

my name is strange

i just tried to google image search every possible form of my name i could think of, and didnt find one picture of myself.

sure, theres plenty of pictures of 18 visions, Bleeding Through, and even some of Poison The Well. but was MY face anywhere to be seen? no.

like Sage Francis says, "my name is strange"

i dunno. today has been pretty boring. working at Commissary. just kinda standing around. nobody came in for the first three hours i was here. ive been looking at websites, drinking coke, and listening to ISIS, His Hero Is Gone, Graf Orlock and Bloodlet at annoying levels. no wonder nobody buys anything when i work.

researching rates/ prices for our trip to Chicago for the Burning Fight show. the hotel will be more expensive than i thought, but it will be worth it. gonna try and see Oprah too.

i wanna go home.

that aint elvis playin piano

Even though I've been playing music since I was in 3rd grade, I would by no means label myself a "musician". I can read sheet music, but shakily now and only for paino.

I've never had one guitar lesson, and while I can play a few "real" chords I can only name one.

I played clarinet in 7th grade. I was pretty good too.

I haven't touched my Gibson since I moved into this house.

Anyway... I finished watching the ZAO dvd today. Only took me a week to finish disc one. I mean.. It clocks in at a mere 3 and a half hours, and I totally have free time to sit and watch that. I kinda just put it on while I was washing dishes, putting away groceries, etc. It was really interesting and kind of rekindled my love for that band.

"Where blood and fire bring rest" was the first record from them I really paid attention to. I guess it was 98 or 99, and I was in the midst of the anti-Christian hardcore movement that had begun some 5 years earlier (ill save that for another blog). But this record came out and I was loving it.

"Liberate te ex infernus" came out and the only thing I really remembered was hand claps, Jesse Smith's makeup, and awesomeness. But I never really pledged myself to them because of their stance on religion.

Didn't pay attention to anything else until I heard "the rising end (the first prophecy)". That is such an amazing song, seriously.

I think I only saw them two or three times. In retrospect, I wish I would have been more into them when they were around. But I still love listening to it.

On a side note, there have now been two songs that turn my ipod off EVERY time I try and listen to them.

The first is "the boy who blocked his own shot" by BRAND NEW. But its the "live from VW Green Room" version I downloaded from www.bsidesrus.blogspot.com and ps that is an amazing download. But, trying to play it actually wiped my ipod clean, scaring the shit out of me. I plugged it into Erakuh's computer and everything came back up, but it was a stressful time.

The second I stole from Niall's laptop, and its from some Zao demos and miscelaneous stuff. The track just says "interview with jesse" and succeeded in turning my ipod off twice.

Daniel has been asking me for months to sing for his project, and today I said "I want to be in a band that sounds like Zao", and I meant it.

guitared and feathered

it wasnt the fact that i was drinking beer out of a red cup.

it wasnt the fact that people kept touching me and stepping on my foot.

it wasnt the fact that i had to introduce myself as "Hans" because i know that drunk people dont understand "jav" and i didnt feel like saying "javier".

it wasnt the guy wearing camo pants who said "you guys are stupid".

it wasnt jesse's brother giving me a hug and then five minutes later walked through the room wearing a Steelers jersey, carrying a bottle of Absolute that looked like a disco ball and a pair of womens boots

i think what really made the night awesome was the 16 year old boy singing Coheed and Cambria to me, and all of us laughing at the fact that was indeed old enough to be his father.

destroy everything you touch

my knees hurt.

this is nothing new. my knees have hurt for over half my life now.

when i was about 8, i started playing soccer. AYSO. i sucked. i was always the worst or just about the worst player on the field. but it didnt stop me. i loved playing, i loved and still love the smell of grass.

then, in 7th? grade, i had an injury that sidelined me forever. the details are hazy, but all i know is that i had a cracked kneecap and torn ligaments/ tendons. i was in one of those braces with hinges and such for months. i dont think i ever fully recovered.

so now, my knee tends to hurt randomly, especially when it rains.

could be worse, i could be this guy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNlxH0YiAAA

no allegiance

My last drink of alcohol was april, 2008. Either the 19th or 20th. At showcase, with Manny, in someones jeep. It was miller high life.

Then this weekend, I had a Benihana punch (on friday I think) and three beers on sunday.

Why? Why not.

Ps, I did go to Benihana twice this weekend. Expensive but worth every penny.

the data body

Yesterday, after a particularly rough day at the office, I came home and went to turn on the computer.... But wait, let me backtrack.

I have only ever owned one computer, in about 1999. It was a machine that my mom had built, it was old and shitty and we had dial up modem. It broke after a while. I don't even remember what happened to it.

A couple weeks ago, I got two computers in one week. My mom gave me her old one and Josh Highland gave me his brother's old one. The one my mom gave me apparently had some weird boot error (whatever that means) but had a good monitor and keyboard. Josh's had a huge old monitor and a plain keyboard, so I decided to use Josh's base with everything else from my mom.

I started downloading lots of songs off of www.bsidesrus.blogspot.com and began making the holy mother of all mixes for Erakuh. I got some REALLY good stuff. I didn't really get to do much else because we don't have a desk and sitting on the floor is not comfortable when working on a computer.

So last nigt I came home and went to turn the computer on, to finish the mix and burn the cd. I even got really cool paper from the scrapbook store to make a cover for it. I pushed the button and heard a really loud POP like one of those things like looks like a sperm that you throw at the ground, and the computer ceased to be on. Unplugged it from the power strip and straight into the wall.

Push the button.. Wait for it... POP accompanied by a faint smell of smoke.

Do I give up? No. I put a new power cable in, plug it into the wall and push the button.

This time, it sounded like a brick of black cats going off, with visible sparks coming out of the back of the machine. Toast.

Josh said the hard drive is most likely unaffected, but I can't switch the stuff into my moms computer by myself. I tried to turn my moms computer on this morning, and of course I didn't have the password for windows.

So I never got to make the mother of all mix cds, which took me a week to compile.

This, coupled with the new version of Notpop's inablility to properly load on my sidekick, has made for a boring week in cyberspace for me.

I did encounter a cool blog though. I think its called FUTUREGIRL dot com or something. Its all about crafts.

It reminds me of the line from CREATION IS CRUCIFIXION... "technology is our iron lung". Those dudes were so ahead of their time. Amazing music, amazing lyrics... such a good band.

One time when they were out here on tour, they ended up at my house on the afternoon before their show. I couldn't tell you how this came about, since I think I may have only had contact with one member previous to this. Maybe its because we had mutual friends in RACE TRAITOR. Anyway... they came in my house and immediately found the nearest phone connection to do something or other on the internet. Ill never forget the site of the band all huddled around a laptop, using words I'd never heard before and adjusting their glasses and other nerdy-type behaviors.

Paul N., the guitar player was a super nice guy and I stayed in contact with him on and off throughout the years. Scott went on to be the steadiest guitar player of ZAO. I wish the band continued to make music.

The Luddites were right
I'm a machine
I am not alive

solar powered sun destroyer

I hate people who don't know how to use a thermostat. If its too cold, put on a jacket, don't blast everyone else out with the heater. Its a room full of people, and we all know that with that many women in a room, the amount of hot air that escapes their lungs from talking is enough to melt a village of igloos.

I wish I could have my ipod on at all times, or at least have a soundtrack playing in the backgroud. Maybe even one only I could hear. Oh, wait... that already happens.

I'm eating jack in the box for the second day in a row. There are plenty of options around my work, but getting a burger, 2 tacos, fries and a drink for 5.34? Amazing. Plus, Paula Abdul's "forever your girl" is playing. Priceless.

leave me alone

I am at work, and sitting down. But not on a dryer this time. I'm sitting on the toilet, going to the bathroom. I love that I can blog, post, read or do anything basically electronically now. I don't have to read a magazine, or when one is not available, the back of a shampoo bottle.

Bathrooms are strange places. I've been in some seriously sketchy bathrooms. Its horrible when you REALLY have to go and the bathroom is disgusting. Its so stressful to me. Or when the pisser is just a long trough with nothing separating you from the fella next to you.

Bathroom time is quiet time for me. Nobody else is around. I hate being bothered when I'm in the bathroom. The downstairs bathroom at home is the first place I visit in the morning.

Ps, I hate when bathrooms don't have exhaust fans. Should be mandatory.

I could go on and on, but I have to wipe now.

lazy sunbathers

I try to title each of my blog posts with a song title. Got the idea from One Tree Hill. Each of their episodes was the name of a song.

Its unseasonably warm today. Heard its 87. I don't like that its that warm in january... but I shouldn't complain because Tara said she's sitting in a blizzard in 30 below. That's too cold. I think I'd die.

I asked Robbie how much it would take for him to kill someone. He said he "prolly couldn't do it". I think I could kill a random person for 100,000. That's enough for a down payment on a house.

I do enjoy sitting on dryers. Like the kind you dry your clothes in. Its warm, rhythmic an comfortable. There's one at work that I chill on frequently.

Dan asked if I wanted to sing on some music he's making. "American Nightmare-ish" he says. Anyone who's been following my blogs knows that I love that band. I don't really have time but I'm willing to give it a shot. Been a while since I went in the studio.

I haven't been sleeping well.
My stomach has been upset a lot.
I keep bumping into things, which makes me super angry.
I want to cook in my wok.
I want to watch superbad in my pajamas and download alkaline trio b-sides all day.

two greats

in the beginning

hi. im jav.
this is the first day of my new blog.
let me catch you up on the story, to date, and the major players.

im 31 years old. i live in costa mesa, california with my daughter, devin. shes 6.
erakuh is a big part of my life.
i work at a beauty school, teaching (or at least trying) to teach people how to do hair. ive been doing hair for over 10 years.
i used to play in a bunch of bands, but now i dont really have time.
i used to dj, but now i dont really have time.
i love to take photos.
i obsess about bands. i obsess about my ipod. 0n my other blog, i have endless stories about collecting songs. get used to it.

i will try and blog daily. i dont care who reads this, if anyone.

you will read about my frustrations, my elations, my complaining... my life

the title, "curse of coeurs" kind of comes from the quote
"Le coeur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connaît point"
which translates to "the heart has reasons which reason cannot understand"

i think its funny that how you say "heart" in french kinda sounds like "curse". thats all. see ya.