confession

I'm bored. Like, looking for stuff to clean bored.

Got another remixed Disembodied song last night. A cleaned up version of "Confession" off of the Confession 7". When Joel sent it to me, it just said "track 1 rough" but as soon as I put it in iTunes, it said Confession.

Pressed play and the same snare fill came on, but slower, and the vocals had a weird effect on it. I had to ask Joel if it was a different version, and he said no. It took me a couple times to get into it, and I was afraid that I offended Joel with my reaction.

I threw it on my iPod and blasted it in my car this morning. HOLY FUCK. You hear a song for years, on vinyl, then on cd, and then someone "cleans it up" and totally changes the dynamic. Sometimes for the good, sometimes it hurts the original song.

In this case it made the song undenaibly better. The break where the guitars cut out, where its just the drums and Tara's distorted bass sounds amazing, and I don't remember any vocals on that part at all, but apparently there were some there and they add a whole new element.

The completion of this product is drawing near, and I get more anxious and excited every day. I might cry when I get the finished record in my hand, knowing that I had a part in bringing it together.

eulogy

I pretty much just had 4 days off work. Sunday off, monday 4 hours at commissary, tuesday home with a sick kid, wednesday took the day off for birthday.

Today, back to reality. And the reality isn't pretty.

So goodbye to blue skies over Disneyland. Goodbye to quiet mornings. Goodbye to sushi boats and waffle cones filled with cookie batter ice cream.

If every day was like yesterday, I would never ever be in a bad mood.

My fiction beats the hell out of my truth.

a nice day for a sulk

I used to hate my birthday.

Maybe its because when I was 8, the wind blew my birthday away.

Maybe its because when I was 18, my grandma, neighbor, and history teacher all died the month before.

Maybe its because when I was 21, I had a 104 degree fever.

The last two years have been good.

Spent my 30th at the Cashbah with Mark, Travand Jadlish, drinking PBR and watching Sweet and Tender Hooligans.
Last year, Erick came down and we raged for 3 days, including the only time Disembodied and Moz were spun in the same set at Avalon.

This year, Dev drew me an awesome pic that Erakuh framed. Eri gave me some awesome shirts and a sweeeeeet digital camera. My mom is giving me a desk. And we are goin to Disneyland.

As of right now I don't mind growing older. 29 was way worse than 30 because of the impending doom I felt growing over me. But when 30 hit, it wasn't that bad.

Now lets see what happens when 35 comes.

its complicated being a wizard

the new calvin klein ads sport a dude with surprisingly white hair. im impressed. that tone is not so easy to achieve.

been thinking a lot about hair lately. about how to make money. i am good at what i do, that is cutting and sometimes coloring hair. im not amazing, but i know what im doing and given the chance i could pull some pretty cool stuff out of my ass. i have studied a lot about it, have learned from some of the best in the world, and think my time to "break out" might be approaching. ive taken steps in the right direction recently, and i think leaving all the hot-shot, egocentric, thrill seeking days behind me has helped.

i have but one motivation to succed now: family.

i want to provide for my family, and for my family to come. i want to not have to call my mom and say "hey i need 100 bucks to pay my phone bill" or "hey can you buy me some plane tickets to chicago to see disembodied?"

tomorrow i will be 32. its time i blazed my own trail.

my grandma said it took her 80 years to be happy with her life. i dont have that kind of time. im not impatient, but i gotta start making things work. asafp.

fuck this shit

THIS is why i hate the world

things done changed

can we start again

There is a belief that it's difficult to get rid of rats because they're smart. Some say that if you try to hit a rat and it manages to escape, rest assured that it will seek revenge – the offended rat will chew on your favorite shirt!

that was taken from Be@rbrick love, one of my new favorite blogs. check it in my new LINK section...

changing the layout of my blog. i guess out of no reason other than boredom and need for change. like the quote above says, the rat is hard to get rid of. some of the problems and challenges that ive been having since last year and even before that have proven to be hard to get rid of.

two of my biggest downfalls are self-confidence (or lack thereof) and anger. they have gotten better over times, but anyone who knows me as "the meanest guy in orange county" or "that asshole from the mistake" would tell you that its quite obvious that i have suffered from both for many many years.

one of the problems with changing is that we dont know that we need to change something until it is too late, or almost too late, and we've hurt somebody or lost somebody.

one of the other changes im making is changing what i collect. from one kind of vinyl to another.