nights like these

i hate nights like these. its been a while.

life has been so fucking hectic. maybe thats why right now i feel fucking terrible.

its 2:34 am. i just got home from work. working at a bar. opening beer bottles and pouring wine and making shots of soju mixed with cranberry juice and vermouth. chopping fruit to make sangria.

maybe its the fact that ive been up since 645am
maybe its the fact that i walked away from working for 6 hours with 81 dollars
maybe its the fact that im so stressed out about the other stuff happening in my life

either way, when i walked to my car tonight, it felt like someone was looming over me, pressing on my shoulders, forcing me to walk slower. like a gulag. like a lamb to the slaughter. like a kid walking back to his first day of school. like a criminal to the gallows.

"tired sick and hating"

give me sleep.

apache

holy fuck

blood and thunder

busy. busy. busy.

not sleeping. as if i didnt have enough to do, picked up another night at the bar. that makes three nights and one day. plus working the store a couple days a week. i mean... its not doing what i love, or what im "good at". but im picking up bartending. its more than just opening bottles and pouring drinks. im actually trying to make up "new" or at least new-to-our-bar drinks. having a limited license, we have to get creative.

i was told that my sangria is better than Habana's. that's like telling me my band is better than Gorilla Biscuits.. meaning, a place that's been around longer and is "known" for something. win.

im fucking tired though. that's not really anything new, and i spent many many years working 8am-3am basically, but i guess i wasnt used to it. my shoulders hurt, my knees hurt.

i downloaded over 1000 songs in 3 days. mostly old hip hop, to play at bar.

i have quoted this before, but basically this line sums up my life on a constant basis-

"things change these days in such quick, cruelly absurd ways"

i dont know that i could have written words that embody what i struggle with on my own. and while the author of that line bums me out more and more, i still hold on to those words.

ive got some skin

i cant watch this fucking video without getting goose bumps. ive always thought that Amy Pickering kind of ruined songs when she sings on them, but this one is ok. i would honestly probably be crying if i saw this in real life.


on the old ALL OVER THIS TOWN, i made a large post about Fugazi. one of my absolute all time favorite bands.
i used to listen to this song EVERY day when i woke up


and i dunno if this is supposed to be a love song, but the first part has some of the purest, sweetest lyrics ive ever read

the motherfuckin answer

so, love them or hate them, you have to give respect to Die Antwoord.
real or fake, whatever. they are people who are having fun and making something fucking creative and making people take notice. i might not like 100% of the SONGS, but i am 100% behind what they are doing.

endress brockades

a history lesson

please take 20 minutes out of your day, and learn something.


yeah, im still on my d&b high. its like finding an old toy you forgot you loved.

ready or not

i remember in like.. 1996, 1996... sitting alone at night, recording drum and bass off of the radio. the station was 103.1, i dont remember the call letters... i held on to those tapes for as long as possible. Hype, Flux, Rinse and Spin, Aphrodite.. then on to buying cds from Roni Size and Dieselboy. prolly didnt know i was major into d&b back in the day. me and Drew been bumpin that shit lately.
enjoy this. keep an open mind. would be amazing in the salon.

i wanna meet Brad

gotta get in touch with my inner redneck

fight fair

today i cut 4 dudes from FIGHT FAIR's hair. pretty cool.


the end.

im dead im dead im dead

seriously? amazing. truly.

strawberry switchblade