why am i still surprised at how shitty a person can be?

i went to the salon yesterday at 645pm, just to check on things. i found that a lot of stuff was stolen and that people tried to sabotage things. people who were nice to my face. people that i was not mean, nasty, or rude to. people who i gave a fair chance.

i feel so let down.

but the only thing i can do is keep moving forward, and know that success is the best revenge.

dear special K,

fuck you.

i have been trying to do this special k diet for two weeks now. you know, a bowl of special k for breakfast, a bowl for lunch, and a sensible dinner.

i dont think ive ever been so hungry in my entire life. every cell in my body is screaming for food.

ive been "working out" for about a half hour every morning. and when i say working out i mean using the Wii Fit. yeah, laugh. fuck off. its a good option for me. i do 20-30 minutes a morning, which means i have to wake up around 6 in order to get it done before i get devin up for the day. its fun, and there are no sweaty douchebags around.

ive had less than a Coke a day. i still need caffeine, and im not willing to cut it 100% right now, so i usually drink a monster or some of a coke. its better than what i WAS drinking. ive been drinking 2 or 3 liters of water a day now, which is a lot better.

all i can think about is food though. it didnt help that i watched a MAN VS. FOOD marathon last week. it sucks because i really love food.

i guess i can say that i kind of feel better, not eating so much junkfood. not snacking on shitty foods, snacking on carrots or string cheese or something besides cheetos and cookies.

i hope the craving will go away soon. or maybe it will always be there. maybe it will be like how alcoholics crave alcohol. i guess im a food addict.

my soul is uploaded

bought a macbook pro last week with the intention of designing ads and other stuff for the new salon. i feel like a one eyed asian lady riding a unicycle while high.

i think im getting the hang of things but its fucking hard. i have such a higher respect for people good at design now.

back in tha day

the nameless dread

180

i went to work with the lyrics to BREAK UP THE FAMILY in my head. i dont really know how to describe what i was feeling except "meloncholy".
tonight at work changed that. saw a lot of good, old friends. saw a dude i havent talked to in the better part of a decade.
im tired. so very tired.

top 5 favorite Wu Tang songs. in order.

number one- UZI (pinky ring)
holy fuck, when Ghostface comes in, it sounds like hes gonna tear your fucking face off. that horn loop is insane too.

number two- gravel pit
at :29, when the cave-babes are shaking their tatas to the beat, is amazing.
"im the motherfuckin hot mix"

number 3- nuthin to fuck with
this was back when they were super grimey. i also like that the video introduces everyone.

number 4- reunited
i just think its a great way to open an album. ol dirty's verse is pretty dope too.

number 5- c.r.e.a.m.
again, the first album was so dirty and grimey. the hook is incredible, and everyone's verse is awesome. plus, dirty's singing adds such character


jesse gonna be mad that i didnt include Triumph, but i stand by my choices.

gone

the other night, half of my toenail fell off. i was walking around at work and i felt something in my shoe. i took it off and looked at my toes and half of the pinky toenail had cracked off, lengthwise. no blood, no pain. just gone.

i miss my family. working long, late hours has made things a little hard. my kid asks me not to go to work sometimes. even though its only like an hour from her bedtime, i dont think she understands. but im doing this to make money, so that we can move into a bigger house sooner than later. im doing it to take care of her, and erica.

and its not going to get any easier, in fact it will only get harder in the months to come as i will be working more and more.

despite all of this, im not depressed. the only thing im not too stoked on is my weight. ive battled with body issues since 7th grade. up and down and up and down. i dont watch what i eat, i work in a bar, and i dont exercise. so yeah, im probably going to gain a few pounds. the hardest part of that is that im too big for medium shirts and too small for large shirts. and for some reason, all of the weight is right around my mid section. my pants still fit fine, its just my shirts. oh well. time to hit the Wii Fit.